I read a blog post today yesterday two days ago that really touched me, and that I could totally relate to. We all struggle at some point. We all have ups and downs in our lives, and there are times when we're all totally physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. I've been dealing with that a lot lately. I've considered writing about it, but I was concerned that anyone who may come across my blog, or that post specifically, would think, "Aw, what a Debbie Downer," and never read my blog again. Not sure why I'm concerned with what others think; I guess that's just part of life, right?

Anywho, writing's not my forte, but bear with me. After re-reading this, I got much more specific than I intended to at times. Just throwing that out there. I'm not looking for a pity party, but boy does it feel good to get it out.

Nathan and I have been together for 9 years this month, married for 4 in May. The 'Newlywed stage' is over...it's been over for a long time, and I don't like it. We started    awhile back, and during that time, things were great. We made an effort to make an effort, ya know what I mean? We were challenged to put each other first, and that really made us, or at least me, happy. I can't speak for him. You'd think it'd be easy to always put the one you love first, but, especially as the parents of a toddler, it's not. To be honest, we have barely spoken in two days...until last night. (Remember, I started working on this two days ago).

I have a history of struggling with depression. I was doing great without meds, but then over the last several months, I've been struggling more and more. I think what it all boils down to is finances, and the fact that Nathan will have to quit work in 5 months, and our bills will actually increase while he's in school, so we will be stretched really thin.  I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end. Nathan is really encouraging me to be a stay at home mom when he finishes school, which is looking better and better to me, though I've never wanted be a SAHM. However, I'm afraid to do that. I'm afraid I'll regret my decision. If you are a SAHM, especially if you were once a working-outside-the-home mom, I'd love to hear experience/feedback.

I say that staying home "is looking better and better" because I'm starting to think that maybe I didn't make the right career choice. I chose nursing school because I'm a female (excuse the stereotyping), and I didn't know what else I might want to do, so it seemed like an obvious choice. My heart's not in it, but I don't want to leave my current job in search for another position, because I have a pretty sweet set-up. I work Monday- Friday, about 7:30am-4:30pm. No weekends or holidays. I do my own thing. I technically don't have to supervise anyone or have anyone over my shoulder supervising me. My schedule is super flexible, so if I want to go to one of Natalie's holiday parties at daycare or if I need to leave to pick her up because she's sick, it's not a problem. This may not seem like anything special to some people, but for a nurse, it's great. Being unhappy isn't worth it, but I don't want to burn any bridges.

Ok, so I had a lot more to get off my chest prior to Nathan and me having a heart-to-heart conversation last night, but I feel better about some things since then. That just goes to show that communication really is key in a relationship. It's also our biggest downfall.

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